Since we were given the go ahead to give June her very own room I've been dreaming and thinking about the decorating part. What colors we were going to use. What blankets and quilts would adorn her bed.
We started setting it up last week and the room is adorable. Her name above her bed, pictures of her as a teeny newborn on her walls, special frames of June with mommy and daddy. She has a special quilt our dear Stacy made her on a rocking chair, the cozy quilt Grammy (my mom) made her draped over the side of her crib.
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| Rocking chair. |
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| We still need to paint that rail. |
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| June's special quilt and bunny. |
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| Special pictures and piggy bank. |
What I didn't give much thought was the fact that she would be sleeping in her own room. Yesterday was my birthday and what I chose to do was finally get our rooms in order. Ian and Thomas and I were switching and we had to get a few more things into June's room. From 5 to 10pm Ian and Thomas worked tirelessly to clean and organize our respective wares. June fell asleep downstairs around 7 but her room wasn't quite together yet. I lent a hand and had her room ready by 830. Snug in her own bed, in her big girl room, I turned on the monitor and closed the door. I was so happy for her to have her own independent space.
Thomas and I got into bed around 10 and I burst into tears. June was ready for her own space but I wasn't. My sweet little 5-days-away-from-5-month old was alone. Would she wake up scared? Was she cold? Would she get confused? Am I betraying her? Thomas kept reassuring me that she was safe but it wasn't simply her physical safety. I was afraid that she was emotionally unsafe.
Now, logically, I know that she won't remember this and that she's the perfect age to transition but I was overwhelmed with the idea that she was growing up. She's still my little baby love but she'll never be my newborn again. She'll never be a 2, 3, 4 month old again. I love that she's growing and learning and becoming a small comic genius.
This growing up thing is hard.
Awe. Amber! You're such a good mom! It's ok to be worried. My sister in law is going through some of the same stuff with her son that you're going through with June. It'll get easier!
ReplyDeleteYou're so funny. Especially since yesterday you were just saying how excited you were that she had her own room and you guys had yours.
ReplyDeleteShe knows you love her, and I'm sure it will get easier one night at a time. :)
You're so sweet, Christa! Thank you! I would love to hear how your sis-in-law deals with all the crazy baby things! Send her over here (to the blog, that is)!
ReplyDeleteAbby, I know! I was really excited about everything until I laid down and realized, "she's not in here!" It was a very sad moment. I think Thomas may have considered me crazy for a split second.