How to Love

I'm a crier. Any intense emotion will open the floodgates and the tears start flowing. I cry when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, tired, etc. (Surprisingly, however, I don't cry when I'm in pain. The only time that I have is before each D&C, that's how bad the pain had gotten.) Music has a particular effect on me. There are a few songs that will set me off upon their first notes. "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. Those both make me ugly cry; the full on sob. And there's a new one in the mix - "How to Love" by Lil' Wayne. (Here's the YouTube video if you haven't heard it.)

Lil' Wayne? For realz? 

Yes, Lil' Wayne. And I think I've been in therapy long enough to analyze why it makes me cry. The song, if you haven't heard it, is about a girl who doesn't know how to love (clever, right?). Through the lyrics you can surmise that the reason she doesn't know how to love is because as a child she wasn't valued and also didn't have a father's love. She's a stripper, she has daddy issues and she was also molested. So this gets me all weepy and sad for a variety of reasons. The main one being that my precious daughter has the greatest father. 

The day that my emotional reaction to "How to Love" started was the day that my husband's song debuted on iTunes. The song is a love letter Thomas wrote for June before she was born. "Little Junebug" is the antithesis of "How to Love." Thomas is over the moon, head over heels, ridiculously in love with June. Her daddy issues will most likely be that he loves her too much (does that create issues? that's another blog altogether...). 

I'm keenly aware that not every father adores his children, many simply tolerate them at best, leave them at worst. I am lucky to be the daughter of a successful marriage, a father who encourages creativity and education and instilled a sense of worth in all of his children. I'm even luckier that my daughter will have the same and even more.

I knew that I loved Thomas as a man. I didn't know that I could love him more as a father and provider for our family. June is a lucky little bug.

And Lil' Wayne makes me cry. 

Lil' June.