Baby Theo has been hard on me. Hard on us, I should say. First trimester was full of puke and headaches and so far the second trimester has been the trimester of exhaustion and pain. While I am looking forward to the third trimester, I'm looking more forward to April 23.
I haven't been feeling awesome, and in turn, my emotions have taken over. It's hard to make it through the day without welling up with tears or, more likely, overflowing with tears. My pregnancy with June made my emotions so level but this time I'm quite a wreck. I don't know if it's because I'm having a boy or because I feel exhausted every minute of the day but I'm feeling pretty emotionally drained.
My doctor has taken note of my physical discomfort and how that's wearing me thin. He highly recommended I go on disability and even more highly recommended that I get more help when on disability. Apparently he knows you don't rest much with a 15 month old. So January 14, I go on short term disability. My mom will have June two days a week and my mother-in-law will have her one day a week. I have quite a bit of guilt regarding this but frankly, I'm on the brink of an exhausted breakdown.
To be honest, I'm ready to rest but still worried about work/money/life in general. I don't quite know what will happen with my job. I do get a portion of my pay while on disability but after 22 weeks of being away from work (14 weeks until he gets here and 8 weeks maternity leave because of the c-section) I just don't know where I'll stand with my company. I hate the thought of leaving a 2 month old but at the same time, I do enjoy working.
So friends, I'm in need of some good thoughts, prayers, vibes, voodoo, whatever you believe. This transition is proving to be more stressful than I expected and I wish I could sleep for the next few weeks.
Also, any suggestions for good books? I'm going to attempt to read and truly rest as much as possible in the next 3 months. Wish me luck!
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