My Daughter, My Heart

June will be one month old tomorrow. 

Cue gasps, "What? She had the baby and didn't write ALL about it?!" 

Yes, it's taken me four full weeks to write this blog. I've thought about it, don't get me wrong but there's always been something in the way. Health issues, a newborn, and more importantly I had to come to terms with the fact that my birth was so far from what I wanted and had planned. 

But now looking at my precious nine pound, twelve ounce one month old sleeping on my chest, that seems trivial.

So here we go, how June Elizabeth made her grand entrance into the world:

Saturday, September 17 - Starting at about 5pm and into Sunday morning I was in full blown early labor. I had painful contractions every 3 minutes for hours, we even called my fabulous doula to come labor with us at home. After about 7 hours of this crap, we decided to go to the hospital. They checked my cervix and I was only 1 to 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Seriously? We walked the halls for an hour and they rechecked. Same dilation, same effacement. Because I wasn't 39 weeks yet, they sent me home. Yes, even with measurable contractions.

Monday, September 19 - I went in to see Dr. Man for my previously scheduled 39 week checkup. I was miserable, at the end of my rope; huge, uncomfortable, unable to move or sleep. I had talked to everyone who would listen about whether or not I should ask for an induction - something I had been adamantly against from the beginning. Dr. Man had made it clear that he would be willing to do an induction if he thought my body was ready. Before I could even ask, Dr. Man came in and said, "we need to get this baby out." What? Why? Apparently my blood pressure was high (it's usually 110ish/60ish and at this point it was 150/115 or so) and I was spilling protein into my urine. Both classic signs of pre-ecclampsia (I also had intense swelling) and he made it clear that the only way to cure pre-e was delivery.

Dr. Man called the hospital to see when I could get in to be induced. There were no openings that week and when decided to push another patient out of their spot the charge nurse opened a special time for me - 9pm that night. It was already 5pm. Thomas and I were kind of floored, we really hadn't been expecting this turn of events. We nervously drove home and made phone calls - we were going to have a baby and soon! I was a wreck, I didn't know what was going to happen and it was happening so fast. But because it was happening so fast I didn't have a ton of time to think about it which was a blessing. I would have gone crazy if I had had to wait. 

We showed up at 9pm, got checked in and by 10 I was hooked up to the dreaded Pitocin. Dr. Man had ordered some sleeping medication for me so that I could try to rest a little bit. Around 11pm, Dr. Man came in and decided to break my water and soon after, Thomas was sleeping soundly on the pull out chair in the corner and I was breathing through the contractions pretty well on my own. I slept on and off until our amazing doula, Becky Leonard, came at 4am. By that point the Pitocin had been turned up twice and I was progressed to about 4cm (I think, details are fuzzy). I was still breathing through the contractions but they were getting more and more intense. Over the next few hours and next doses of Pitocin, my pain was getting nearly unbearable. The contractions were so unnatural feeling; a pain that unlike the contractions that I had felt previously, I was unfamiliar with. At 7am the nurse came in and checked me again, no progress. She was very straight forward and urged me to get an epidural. As you remember, I did NOT want an epidural! However, at this point, she was making a good argument. My body was reacting to the drugs by fighting the contractions rather than allowing them to open my cervix. By 715am, I had my epidural and was pain free. I felt the pressure but the pain was gone. As Thomas said, they got their Amber back. I was happy and talkative!

We had visitors all day long. However, the epidural had made me very drowsy so Thomas and I slept quite a bit. Our families filled the waiting room, anxiously sitting and wondering when June would come. Every cervical check was announced to the group and bets were placed on time of birth. 

At 5pm I was finally dilated to 10cm! So exciting! However, June was still at a -2 station, meaning her head was not in the pelvis yet. We were so lucky though because both Dr. Man and the nurses agreed that it was better to let me continue labor and try to get her head down on our own. Some doctors would have either made me start pushing which would have only aggravated my cervix and probably had led to a c-section and other doctors would have gone straight to a c-section. 

I kept laboring until about 8:30pm when Junebug was finally in a +2 station and ready to be pushed out! Pushing was hard. I pushed for three hours but the epidural made it very difficult because I couldn't truly feel where or how I was pushing. We could see her head and her crazy thick dark hair but after every push, she would go back and I began to feel defeated. By 11pm Dr. Man came in and decided that we needed to use the vacuum extraction or we would do a c-section. One more intervention that I was dreading. At this point it had been 24 hours since my water had broken and I was developing a fever and June needed to get out. 

He prepped me by doing an episiotomy and went to work getting baby girl out. I honestly don't remember delivering her beyond this point. I felt her come out and be put on my chest but after that my memory is very fuzzy. I began to hemorrhage and there were complications delivering the placenta. I had suffered a third degree tear despite the episiotomy. My epidural had run out rather than them turning it down as they usually do. I felt everything, from being stitched to Dr. Man fishing around with both hands in my uterus trying to deliver my placenta. I was essentially losing too much blood and blacked out. The pictocin was exponentially higher than it was before and my body was not handling it well. 

Thomas knew there was a problem with me when I was handed June and within minutes I asked for him to take her. I couldn't even hold my own baby. He held her while Becky was with me and calming me down. We are both so grateful for Becky because Thomas would have had to have dealt with a brand new daughter and his significant other suffering beside him. She took the pull away, he knew he could focus on June while I was being taken care of. 

June was perfect, though. 8lbs, 4oz, 20.5 inches long and healthy. The next morning instead of being transferred to the regular post-partum unit, we were taken to the high risk unit. I got one-on-one attention and wonderful care. There were orders for a blood transfusion but my levels had gone up enough that Dr. Man didn't feel it was necessary. I was also told that there was a chance that I had placenta left in the uterus. We were sent home Thursday evening, two days after Junebug was born.

Over the next four weeks June continued being perfect and I slowly deteriorated. At one week post-partum, I was diagnosed with mastitis, a breast infection. At two weeks post-partum, I underwent an emergency D&C due to retained placenta. The pain from the retained placenta was worse than labor, I cannot even begin to describe the pain. I felt great after the D&C, for one day. At two and a half weeks post-partum, I had a blood transfusion. My iron levels were down to 8 where normal levels are 12 and above. After the transfusion, it was incredible, I was me again. I could stay awake and on my feet more than 5 minutes. However, at 3 weeks, I developed mastitis again - in the other breast. I was at the end of my rope, again.

Today, we're 4 weeks and one day post-partum and I feel like myself. June is a healthy, happy, mellow and precious newborn. We couldn't ask for a better baby. After all of the complications I've faced, she has been the best reward. I would suffer, over and over, for her to be healthy. 

We are so happy!