Like vs. Love

There are certain things (and people) in life that you love and most of the time like also. But there are those days where you really don't like the certain thing but certainly still love it. This is how I feel about pregnancy. I know there are women who claim they love being pregnant but I tend to think that they really just love their baby and the end result. My mom is one of these women. She does talk about having heartburn and some pain but says she truly loved being pregnant. I am not one of these women. I was for maybe two weeks but my feelings toward pregnancy have taken a weird turn. To be clear, I am in awe and wonder of my body every day and I am so incredibly in love (and in like) with my daughter that I could burst - but the other part, the liking pregnancy part, is escaping me for now. 

Here's the thing, I think it's perfectly normal not to love being pregnant. It's okay to feel crappy about feeling crappy and it's okay to talk about feeling crappy about feeling crappy! As women, we're so often expected to be sunshine and smiles about most things. (ie "How's your relationship?" "Great! He only hits me because he loves me!" *yes, that's extreme, but you know what I mean.*) Pregnancy is one of the things that we're expected to be especially chipper about. I'm sure there are some women who go through the 9-10 months unscathed but when you look at the reality of the situation, most women have a myriad of uncomfortable, crappy symptoms. For fun, here's a short list off of Wikipedia of "complaints that may occur":

• Anemia.
• Back pain.
• Carpal tunnel syndrome.
• Constipation.
• Braxton Hicks contractions.
• Edema (swelling).
• Regurgitation, heartburn, and nausea. Common complaints that may be caused by Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.
• Hemorrhoids.
• Pelvic girdle pain.
• Postpartum depression.
• Postpartum psychosis.
• Round Ligament Pain.
• Thromboembolic disorders.
• Increased urinary frequency.
• Urinary tract infection.
• Varicose veins.
• PUPPP.

Those are just the common ones. I, for one, am very uncomfortable in nearly every position while I sleep and cannot get through the day (I mean an entire 24 hour stretch) without seeking some sort of relief for heartburn and even then, often have to rush to the bathroom once in a while to throw up bile and acid from said heartburn. 

I am not, in the least, ungrateful for the miracle my body is performing. I am completely aware that there are many, many, many women that would die to have children that simply cannot. I've known women like this, that have suffered far more than I have and have not been successful in childbearing. That breaks my heart and I know I'm lucky.

Pregnancy is not much different than it was 100,000 years ago or even 25 years ago. There is, however, more frank discussion about the process. These days we have "Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" type books and Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs" that outline the weird symptoms and changes in a woman's body. Which is all great, I do feel better knowing I'm not alone and that my fears are natural but I don't feel like anything that I've read (I've read a few, I'm a compulsive reader) really touches on the disliking part. Yes, they say "it's uncomfortable" or "I pooped on the delivery table!" but there's really something missing to just talking about physical changes and refusing to acknowledge the feelings about those changes.

So I'll start. I dislike not being in control of my body. I dislike heartburn that makes me vomit. I dislike the addition of chest pain that feels like I'm choking to the heartburn. I dislike this searing pain in my abdomen that will not go away and cannot be explained. I dislike not being able to sleep in any position for more than 20 minutes without turning and tossing and waking up. I dislike the fluctuation of my poop schedule, not going for a week and then having hemorrhoids flair when I do get to go. I dislike the attention everyone else pays to my diet - yes, it's okay for me to drink a Coke. I dislike not being able to walk up the stairs without being out of breath. I dislike that my torso is so short that I am already feeling my organs being smashed upward, hindering my ability to eat, drink, breathe. 

But I love what my pregnancy will reward me with - a gorgeous, baby girl that I already love more than I can express. I just don't seem to be taking to the nine months leading up to getting her here. And I don't feel guilty about that.

Now to lighten the mood, when I feel big and crappy this is what I will visualize. At least I'm having one and not 6 or 8.

There's a silver lining to everything! (And those silver linings are stretch marks in this situation.)

What did you love about being pregnant? What did you dislike, despise or downright hate? Tell me I'm not alone in this!