A Year of June

I've been putting this off because much like her birth story, I felt if I didn't put it into words, it wouldn't have to be real. If I didn't talk about it, she wouldn't actually be a toddler now. But the reality is, she is a toddler; a feisty, sassy, saucy, busy toddler. 

We celebrated her actual birthday at my parent's house with my mom, dad, brother, grandparents, and our dear Galarzas. By the time I got there from work she had already opened her present from my grandparents and would not stop playing with it. They got her a ride-on grocery cart type thing. It makes noise and she is hilarious with it. She loves flinging her leg over it and pushing herself forward and backward all over our living room. Our dinner on her real birthday was pizza and while it wasn't the first time she had had it, she was pretty into it this time. Then was the part I had been waiting for - cake. I was so anxious to see her reaction to her first real dessert. My mom had made a cute little funfetti cake just for her and we put a candle in it and sang. She loved the singing part. She clapped along and smiled bigger than I've ever seen. The candle blew out and she smacked her hand into the frosting. She immediately looked at us with a face that said, "what the hell is this?" She wiped it on the highchair and tried again. Still didn't take a bite or seem interested. I finally took a little bit of the cake itself and fed it to her. She was unimpressed. So much for her first cake. 

Her birthday party was a day of emotions for me. I was stressed, sad, happy and anxious. The party turned out amazingly well. I had lost sight of the fact that all we really needed was our near and dear and my baby doll, June. Her second exposure to cake was just as stoic. I really don't think she likes the fact that it was so messy. She melted down about 30 minutes before the party was officially over due to lack of a morning nap and being around too many people. Luckily her adoring public understood. 

We also had her one year check up the Friday between her birthday and her party. She's a big kid, I'll say that much. My little lady has been in the 95th percentile and above for both height and weight her whole life. And she's showing no signs of slowing down. Let's take a look at our handy Baby Center Milestone Chart:

12 months

Imitates others' activities Indicates wants with gestures

Takes a few steps Says one word besides "mama" or "dada"

Walks alone Scribbles with a crayon Says two words besides "mama" or "dada"

June is a big imitator and I mean that in a good way. She indicates wants with gestures like pointing, which is the cutest thing in the universe. 

She's walking pretty much full time but her language is developing a little more slowly than I expected. 

She walks alone and would probably go for walks around the neighborhood alone, if we'd let her. We've honestly never tried a pen or crayon to see if she would scribble. She does use a fork fairly well, though. And again, the language is a little slow. 

I actually had a few concerns about her language that our wonderful pediatrician addressed. She calls Thomas "Dada" very consistently but doesn't really use other words consistently. We've heard her say things like, "yeah" and "bub" and "Lisa" and "Pop" but not all the time. Our doctor said that some kids won't say their real first words until 15 months and that as long as she is vocalizing, she's okay. I think I was putting pressure on myself (and her) because she's always been very advanced in every other area that I assumed she would talk early too. I've also always talked to her all day long and I know my parents do when she's there too. We just talk to her about everything that we're doing. that's the best way for them to develop language. So it almost felt like I was doing everything right and yet I was still failing. I know, that's silly. But that's what this weird mommy guilt/emotion does to you sometimes. 

So friends, my dear baby is one. And here's my favorite picture of her in recent times.

Working Moms Working Out

Friends, I need to confess something. 

  

I love work. 

I am challenged every day and learn something new. The field I'm in is interesting and the company I work for is on the cutting edge of technology. The people I work with are smart, friendly and hardworking.

It is hard to leave Junie and to not spend every day with her but I think working is truly what is best for our entire family. I'm so satisfied coming home each night to her and Thomas knowing that I made a difference in our financial state and I'm showing June that being a smart woman and mom aren't mutually exclusive. 

My body, however, isn't so keen on this whole being awake and mentally active for 10+ hours plus sitting for 8+ hours. I'm trying to eat well while making this transition and attempting to drink more water. I feel like I need to try to exercise, though. My body is tense and my nerve pain is acting up. But guys, how do I fit in exercise when I'm already out of the house from 730am to 630pm? 

I get an hour for lunch but with how red and hot I get after working out, I hardly feel like that's enough time. 

What do you suggest? When do you fit in exercise? What are your favorite snacks to keep your energy up throughout the day? Any tips or hints?

Proof that my child is a genius. Reading "The Tale of Jemima Puddleduck" by Beatrix Potter, while standing. Also, not ripping said book.

 

8 Months!

I have an eight month old.

I have an eight month old.

I have an eight month old.

I have to keep repeating that lest I forget. She is finally crawling and pretty much thinks she's a big girl. She hates being held and will strong arm you to get down. She has a little trouble going from sitting to crawling because that giant thigh of hers gets in the way but she manages to basically throw herself over it and go. The crawling is hilarious. It's like a half army crawl, half pushing off with her right foot. 

She's also a clapping fool. She adores clapping and it's the cutest thing in the world. 

She's also saying dada! It was pretty impressive - within three days she started the last three things. Just bam, bam, bam! Like she knew I was getting anxious for her to start any one of those. 

Here's the chart of milestones from Baby Center:

Child's Age

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do

8 months

Says "mama" or "dada" to parents (isn't specific) Passes objects from hand to hand

Stands while holding onto something Crawls Points at objects Searches for hidden objects

Pulls self to standing, cruises Picks things up with thumb-finger pincer grasp Indicates wants with gestures

June can say dada to us and definitely passes objects from hand to hand.

She can stand, crawl, point and search for things she drops.

She can't pull herself up yet or cruise, her pincer grasp is incredible and I'm pretty sure that's because of her self feeding, and I have seen her gesture toward a toy before. 

So, I'd say she's pretty on point. I'm pretty sure she's like only a few weeks away from walking. She's freakishly independent and wants to be big girl so badly. I'm so lucky to have such a good baby. She keeps herself entertained very well and is very easy going (until she's not - when she wants something, usually). 

Her faces are incredible. I guarantee she got that from me.

The one thing we could definitely work on is her sleeping. She had gotten on a great schedule of napping 9-11:30am and then 1:30-3:30 or 4. But this week she's decided no, not napping pretty much ever. She's also still waking up between once to three times a night. Guys, I'm starting to die a little from all of this lack of sleep. HELP ME!

Seriously, give me advice. What do you do for your babes? Comment here and let me know!  

How do I get this crazy lady to sleep?!

Judgements

There's something I've worried about for years that I'm just realizing I've been wasting energy on.

My tattoos.

Being a tattooed mother.

Being judged in public with my child.

But guess what? 

I haven't experienced it yet.

I got my first tattoo at age 18. It was hidden on my back below my waistline so I knew my parents wouldn't see it. I've never been very good at hiding things from my mom though, this wave of guilt always washes over me leaving me sweaty and nauseous. The next morning I took her aside and softly said, 

 "I have to show you something."

I pulled up my shirt and revealed the inch long waves that formed the symbol of my zodiac sign. She was disappointed but glad I told her. My next tattoo went the same way. Got it on a whim, only revealed it later. 

I've wizened up though. I tell my parents of my upcoming ink and they're fine with them. In fact, my dad has been known to brag about how pretty they are. The only person in my family that I have a hard time sharing my tattoos with is my maternal grandma. She lamented for years about how I would look in a wedding dress. (I looked gorgeous, btw.) A month after our wedding I got a new tattoo and my grandma still hadn't seen it up until this past weekend. I was feeling brave so I wore a short sleeved shirt and the bottom of the tattoo peeked out of the bottom. It didn't go horribly but suffice it to say, she's not a fan.

I guess because I've been judged before due to my tattoos I assumed that it would only be worse now that I have a child. In all honesty, I haven't noticed a thing. I haven't caught any side eyed looks, any hushed whispering as I walk by or raised eyebrows. 

Here's my guess though - I'm too busy raising a child to notice judgement being passed. I no longer have the time or energy to care about what a stranger thinks about my body. My daughter is my main priority. She's the only thing that focuses and drives me. 

Or maybe people are stunned by my daughter's beauty to notice my tattoos. Probably that.

Photo by the amazing Rebecca Dever. Also, no makeup. And minus one tattoo.

Mommy's Health

It's serious time, guys. I'm not doing so well these days. As I said in this blog entry I had to have a second D&C about three weeks ago, followed by my second blood transfusion. It was basically a miracle procedure and I felt great after the initial recovery period. June and I were developing a great routine and I was finally enjoying our days. 

PS (In this case it's a pre-script): I'm sorry if I haven't reached out personally to family and friends during this time. Frankly, I'm having a really difficult time and don't feel like vocally verbalizing everything. This feels better than actually talking. Sorry, I love you all but this is how I roll.

For the past four days I've been in pain. The only way to really describe it is the beginning of labor; a rotation of dull and extremely sharp cramps. Unfortunately it feels exactly like the pain that prompted me to get checked out the night of my first emergency D&C. I waited it out thinking maybe my body was just trying to adjust and ovulate again. But last night the pain reached a level that scared me. My mom took me to the ER while Thomas stayed home with Junie. (How lucky am I that I have a mom willing to take me to the emergency room and a fiance to stay with the baby?) This was the third ER visit for this pain and I basically told the doctor what needed to happen. Dr. Man decided after the last D&C that we would wait until my first period to see if we needed to do a follow up ultrasound. So the ER doctor ordered an ultrasound. No stranger to these invasive ultrasounds (basically a wand with a condom is inserted into the vagina and they poke around to get the images they need, really fun stuff) I requested pain meds first. 

This is the ultrasound wand...it's not as fun as it looks.

The ultrasound was surprisingly quick and I was back in my room within 30 minutes. Because of the invasive nature of the ultrasound I was in even more pain after. The nurse came in and gave me more meds and while she was there she decided to check if my blood and ultrasound results were back yet. They were! Overall, I was incredibly impressed with Mission Hospital last night! Anyway, she started reading out loud. 

"You're only slightly anemic, that's good! hCG levels are at zero, also good. Okay, ultrasound, let's see. Hmm...it looks like there's retained placenta..."

I broke into tears and my mom literally yelled, "WHAT?!" Seriously? There's STILL placenta in me? After my doctor just got out over 100 grams of tissue? I cried. The doctor walked in about 30 seconds after the nurse delivered this news. He told us there was bad news and good news. 

Bad News: still tissue left in my uterus causing pain.

Good News: Dr. Man wants to do a hysteroscopy - look around the uterus with a camera - so I didn't need to stay overnight. 

Bad News/Good News: They do not think it's placenta. If it were, I would have some levels of hCG in my blood. However, they have no freaking clue what is in my uterus. No idea. What would be in there that has escaped TWO D&Cs? 

So I was sent home with a prescription for pain medication and orders to call Dr. Man first thing Monday morning to get the ball rolling on the hysteroscopy.

Here's the thing, I'm scared. For the first time in a long time I'm willing to admit that I'm incredibly worried about myself. My worries are as follows:

What if it's some sort of cancer or tumor?

What if they need to perform a hysterectomy?

What if it's an alien life form?

What impact is this going to have on future pregnancies?

How long will I have to recover from this procedure?

Can I really handle the stress of health issues and a wedding in 5 weeks?

Why is this happening?

I'm trying so very hard to look at the positives, even though I'm a notorious cynic and pessimist. I have a gorgeous, healthy baby. I have an awe-inspiring support system, including Thomas who has been incredible through all of this - either playing nurse or being a five-star single dad while I've been in the hospital. 

But what if? What if something is seriously wrong? 

Guys, I'm scared.